To Find Some Skeleton in My Closet

10 “I can’t stand my life—I hate it!
    I’m putting it all out on the table,
    all the bitterness of my life—I’m holding back nothing.”

2-7 Job prayed:

“Here’s what I want to say:
Don’t, God, bring in a verdict of guilty
    without letting me know the charges you’re bringing.
How does this fit into what you once called ‘good’—
    giving me a hard time, spurning me,
    a life you shaped by your very own hands,
    and then blessing the plots of the wicked?
You don’t look at things the way we mortals do.
    You’re not taken in by appearances, are you?
Unlike us, you’re not working against a deadline.
    You have all eternity to work things out.
So what’s this all about, anyway—this compulsion
    to dig up some dirt, to find some skeleton in my closet?
You know good and well I’m not guilty.
    You also know no one can help me.

8-12 “You made me like a handcrafted piece of pottery—
    and now are you going to smash me to pieces?
Don’t you remember how beautifully you worked my clay?
    Will you reduce me now to a mud pie?
Oh, that marvel of conception as you stirred together
    semen and ovum—
What a miracle of skin and bone,
    muscle and brain!
You gave me life itself, and incredible love.
    You watched and guarded every breath I took.

13-17 “But you never told me about this part.
    I should have known that there was more to it—
That if I so much as missed a step, you’d notice and pounce,
    wouldn’t let me get by with a thing.
If I’m truly guilty, I’m doomed.
    But if I’m innocent, it’s no better—I’m still doomed.
My belly is full of bitterness.
    I’m up to my ears in a swamp of affliction.
I try to make the best of it, try to brave it out,
    but you’re too much for me,
    relentless, like a lion on the prowl.
You line up fresh witnesses against me.
    You compound your anger
    and pile on the grief and pain!

18-22 “So why did you have me born?
    I wish no one had ever laid eyes on me!
I wish I’d never lived—a stillborn,
    buried without ever having breathed.
Isn’t it time to call it quits on my life?
    Can’t you let up, and let me smile just once
Before I die and am buried,
    before I’m nailed into my coffin, sealed in the ground,
And banished for good to the land of the dead,
    blind in the final dark?”

10 “I loathe my very life;(A)
    therefore I will give free rein to my complaint
    and speak out in the bitterness of my soul.(B)
I say to God:(C) Do not declare me guilty,
    but tell me what charges(D) you have against me.(E)
Does it please you to oppress me,(F)
    to spurn the work of your hands,(G)
    while you smile on the plans of the wicked?(H)
Do you have eyes of flesh?
    Do you see as a mortal sees?(I)
Are your days like those of a mortal
    or your years like those of a strong man,(J)
that you must search out my faults
    and probe after my sin(K)
though you know that I am not guilty(L)
    and that no one can rescue me from your hand?(M)

“Your hands shaped(N) me and made me.
    Will you now turn and destroy me?(O)
Remember that you molded me like clay.(P)
    Will you now turn me to dust again?(Q)
10 Did you not pour me out like milk
    and curdle me like cheese,
11 clothe me with skin and flesh
    and knit me together(R) with bones and sinews?
12 You gave me life(S) and showed me kindness,(T)
    and in your providence(U) watched over(V) my spirit.

13 “But this is what you concealed in your heart,
    and I know that this was in your mind:(W)
14 If I sinned, you would be watching me(X)
    and would not let my offense go unpunished.(Y)
15 If I am guilty(Z)—woe to me!(AA)
    Even if I am innocent, I cannot lift my head,(AB)
for I am full of shame
    and drowned in[a] my affliction.(AC)
16 If I hold my head high, you stalk me like a lion(AD)
    and again display your awesome power against me.(AE)
17 You bring new witnesses against me(AF)
    and increase your anger toward me;(AG)
    your forces come against me wave upon wave.(AH)

18 “Why then did you bring me out of the womb?(AI)
    I wish I had died before any eye saw me.(AJ)
19 If only I had never come into being,
    or had been carried straight from the womb to the grave!(AK)
20 Are not my few days(AL) almost over?(AM)
    Turn away from me(AN) so I can have a moment’s joy(AO)
21 before I go to the place of no return,(AP)
    to the land of gloom and utter darkness,(AQ)
22 to the land of deepest night,
    of utter darkness(AR) and disorder,
    where even the light is like darkness.”(AS)

Footnotes

  1. Job 10:15 Or and aware of